31 October 2009

Beer Paddle

From left to right: Erie Railbender, Terrapin Depth Charge, Shipyard
Pumpkinhead and Abita Purple Haze all courtesy of Mellow Mushroom
Winter Park.

29 October 2009

Fantasy Football

What could go wrong with combining two things that everyone loves? Fantasy and Football? Let's look at each of them separately before combining them.

Fantasy. Do you know the average fantasy of the average American male? No, not that one. The one that they have had since they could first pickup a ball and glove. Do you know why people bring their baseball glove to the ballpark when they go see their favorite team? It has nothing to do with being ready for a foul ball or prepared for an autograph. They bring the glove because they absolutely must be ready to take the field when called upon. There is a series of events in which they may have to suit up and get in there and play. I do not care what you are a fan of, Nascar or basketball, jai-Alai or competitive hot dog eating, you have pictured yourself not only participating, but absolutely integral in an emergency call up to help your team. Fantasy is rooted in our psyche, but this is the most prevalent and longest surviving example.

Football. In all its forms, football is the most popular sport on earth. Football (soccer) is the most popular sport by far with no near competitor. American football, whether college or the NFL, could literally print its own currency. Families break up and blasphemy is rampant when college football is discussed openly. Adults actually paint their face and take out a second mortgage for a PSL to watch the hometown NFL team. I have heard that a fan in London can take the tube home wearing his team gear and get off at the wrong station only to receive the beating of his life. The games themselves include battlefield tactics. Offense, Defense, Trenches, Ground Attacks, Aerial Assaults, Field Generals, Flankers, Shotguns, Strikers, and Emergency Medical Personnel. Football is the ultimate team sport and, also, all out war.

What mad man thought it would be safe to mix fantasy and football? What kind of idiot, upon hearing that someone had combined them, would dare to partake in the sheer lunacy? We have seen this before with tragic results: fast women and fast cars, Americans and credit cards, Cruzan Rum and Hope Town. These things would seem to be like oil and water and yet they make terrific pair. They went together like lamb and tuna fish. Lamb and tuna fish? Maybe you like spaghetti and meatball? You more comfortable with that analogy? Rotisserrie baseball begat fantasy football, and fantasy football begat the end of western civilization. The entire recession and my current lack of home value started with the proliferation of fantasy football. When the leader of the free world is more concerned with whether college football has a playoff than life, liberty or the pursuit of happiness, we have a problem.

I think that there are only a couple things left for us to do. I don't know much about fast cars and fast women, but they seem to be holding their own. It is clear that the economy is not going to fix itself and my Obama check was lost in the mail. Good rum is too delicious. We either need a complete and immediate separation of football and fantasy, or someone needs to trade me Adrian Peterson before this weekend's games.

25 October 2009

To Post or Not to Post

I have been pretty lackadaisical when it comes to the blog recently. I set this standard for myself just like I do in keeping a journal and when it is not met production stops. Case in point: I currently have more "unposted" blog entries than posted. Worse than that: I have deleted as many posts as I have left up for display. Why? I try to add too much detail and when too much time passes or another event occurs that I want to blog about occurs the blog just dies unposted.

Going forward, I am going to post as often as possible and on whatever is on my mind at the time. I am going to try to treat it like brainstorming and not edit or censor myself too harshly. The exercise is to write and share. I will write and share and see where it goes. I am going to commit to posting at least once per week and hope to increase the frequency as I go. I hope that quantity will improve quality as a blogger I follow has applied to her ceramics work.

I have also started reading and subscribing to a few other blogs to see what others are doing. I am being selective on those as I already cannot keep up with the the newspaper, magazine subscriptions and e-mail that I have now. If I didn't know better, I would swear that time moves faster for me than for everyone else.

I will try to talk about my observations of the world and what is going on with my family. I will talk about politics and the economy and other mundane but prescient topics. For example: While waiting for Sunday Night Football, Ana has us watching Amazing Race and multiple groups of Americans just showed that they cannot do long division on national television to figure a conversion rate on gold. Fortunately and finally, poker players and Harlem Globetrotters do know simple math. Some of those same people that cannot divide were also frustrated with quality control in the hookah construction market. If you step back from yourself and observe the world objectively, it is not hard to see why the rest of the world is not as impressed with us as we are with ourselves.

On that note, I will wrap up this post and promise to write soon. Assuming of course that I don't delete this before your read it. Just kidding.